Spousal Abuse And How It Can Affect Your
Divorce
By: David A. Walker
Probably the last thing on a couple's mind when they decide to
marry is that idea that they might someday be divorced. In their
imagination, ten years from now, they are happily married with two
or three kids. And the possibility that their marital bliss might
be disturbed by domestic violence is something they've probably
never envisioned. Even if statistics tell us that spousal abuse is
one of the primary reasons given for couples divorcing.
In most cases the target of the domestic abuse is the woman.
And it's difficult to overstate the danger that the woman and the
children could be in if the husband is unable or unwilling to deal
with his anger issues. But in many cases, especially in cases of
verbal abuse, the victim is the man. We don't hear much about it
because, in this society, men are more embarrassed to admit to
abuse.
In marriages where spousal abuse is going on, the history of
couples eventually working out their differences, is not
promising. It can happen, if the couple is willing to have
counseling and actually work on their problems. But, in most
cases, a reconciliation is doomed from the start because there
will not be an honest attempt to work out the problems. Even in
cases where both adults attend counseling, usually one attends at
the insistence of the other, not because he or she really wants to
work on the relationship.
But domestic abuse affects more than just the adults in the
relationship. If also has an effect on the children. Studies show
that children who witness their parents fighting and beating each
other, tend to be less well adjusted than even children from
divorced parents. Many parents feel that it is their duty to stay
together in their marriage for the welfare of the kids. But, if
these studies are correct, perhaps divorce is the better option
for all involved.
Both parents usually do care for their children. And if they
decide together to do what's best for the children, this may
provide the best incentive for them to work things out between
them and eliminate the abuse. But not every couple can
successfully do this. And for those couples who cannot, an amiable
divorce is probably better than an abused marriage. But it's hard
to argue that staying together is in a child's best interest when
he sees his father threatening his mom with physical violence on a
regular basis. Or when he sees his mom constantly belittling his
dad for perceived or real slights.
Spousal abuse can also have an effect on child custody. Many
states allows a court to refuse to award a parent sole or even
joint custody of the children if it can be proven that the parent
has abused his or her spouse. In some states, the custody will
pretty much automatically be given to the wife. But fortunately in
more and more cases, an honest effort is made to determine in
whose custody the welfare of the child will be best served.
There is no doubt that physical violence and emotional abuse
are valid grounds for divorce. But that doesn't mean that the
decision to have one will be easy.
The couples with probably the hardest decision to make
regarding divorce are those where one or both of the marriage
partner's religion prohibits or frowns upon divorce. They face the
difficulty of divorcing and possibly disavowing one of the main
tenets of their religion or staying together and living a
miserable life by suffering the constant abuse from their partner.
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About the Author
David Walker is webmaster and owner of
http://www.onlinedivorcetips.com. Please visit his site
for articles on
contested divorce - statistics and other divorcee related
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